Broken
by AndreeaRaducan
Summary: Post-Ep 10x11 'The Forever People'. Tivon Askari may have broken Jennifer Jareau, but she was not going to let him win.


**A/N: How amazing was tonight's episode? I'm blown away yet again by AJ's talent.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters and affiliates.**

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_~The worst types of battles are the ones in your own mind~_

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The physical pain had long since died away, but it still hurt.

It was like a gaping hole in her side, like Tivon Askari had mutilated a chunk of her flesh, and taken with it everything that made Jennifer Jareau who she was.

_You broke me._

Standing in the darkened bathroom, JJ lifted the hem of Will's oversized shirt, which she had taken to wearing whenever she needed a bit of comfort.

Holding the hem with her injured hand, she gently placed two fingers of her left hand just to the side of the scarred flesh. She avoided touching it...just like she'd avoided all memories of Askari for nearly a whole year.

_I won't let you feel safe anywhere._

She could feel the tears coming. She wanted to cry, scream, anything that would get whatever _this_ was out of her system. Punching the mirror felt like a good option...but she knew that considering her knuckles were already raw, she would seriously regret that later.

She hated this. That one man, one _dead_ man could have such a hold on her life. More than anything, she wished he was still alive, only so she could put a bullet in him.

_I will transform you...so that your husband and your son won't recognise you anymore._

"No!"

Her own voice startled her, bringing her back to reality.

"JJ?"

Whirling around, JJ dropped her shirt, letting it fall down to cover her stomach once more.

"Are you ok? You were really quiet at dinner," Will said softly, his concern for his wife showing in his eyes, even in the darkness of the unlit bathroom.

JJ opened her mouth, her usual _'I'm fine_' balanced precariously on the edge of her tongue. She could push him away...just like always. Bottle it up and deal with it on her own.

Or she could stop being so guarded. Her breakdown in front of Spencer had proved that it was ok to let it go, it was ok to be vulnerable around people you care about.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward, the shadows falling behind her as the light from the bedroom fell across her face.

"Do you recognise me?"

Will frowned, clearly confused by her question. "What do you mean, JJ?"

Swallowing thickly, JJ looked up into his eyes. "When you look at me...do you see..._me_?"

Hearing her voice wavering, Will suddenly caught on to what she was asking. Moving closer, he gently took her hands in his. Her eyes were growing awfully bright in the light of the room, and he could tell she was fighting back her tears.

"Is this about Askari?" he asked softly. He knew the anniversary of JJ's abduction was coming up, and she'd been on edge for a few days preceding the case.

JJ's lower lip trembled, the first tears spilling over her lower lashes and tracking down her cheeks.

"Yeah"

Pulling JJ even closer, Will gently wrapped his arms around her, holding her in his embrace in such a way that he could still see her face.

"Jennifer Jareau," he started softly, lifting one hand to brush her hair back from her face. "No matter what happens to you, or has happened to you...I don't think anything could take away who you are. Because even after a lifetime of pain and hurt, you still have the biggest heart...the kindest intentions-"

"I want to kill him," JJ whispered through clenched teeth. "I want him to be alive so I can put that bullet in him myself"

Cupping her cheek, Will felt his heart ache terribly as he looked into her eyes; there was so much pain buried inside her. "He hurt you. Terribly. He did things to you that you couldn't have imagined. I'd want to kill him too"

JJ let out a quiet sob, pressing her lips together tightly as she tried to stem the tears.

"I can't get him out of my head," she admitted in a shaky voice.

Releasing his embrace, Will placed his hands on her shoulders, looking directly into her teary blue eyes.

"You're still you, JJ. He can taunt you as much as he likes, he can try to break you...but he won't succeed. You're stronger than him. You survived all that he threw at you and you're still here. He can't take away your compassion, your love. Henry and I are always here to keep you grounded. We'll be here to remind you if you start to lose sight of yourself"

Wrapping her up in a tight hug, he kissed her temple.

"Don't let him win, Jay. You've made it this far"

Clutching at her husband, JJ buried her face in the crook of his neck and breathing in his scent. It was a comfort to be in his arms. He couldn't protect her from what was in her head, but he could always provide the motivation she needed to overcome obstacles.

Tivon Askari was not going to win.

Of that, JJ was sure.


End file.
